i am so sorry.

haaaay... hirap ng kalagayan ko ngayon. alam nyo kc may tinago akong sikreto sa inyo. at hindi lang sa inyo kundi pati na rin sa kanya (you know..)

one time kasi, i invited her to our house. because i love her, i would like to show her that I'm sincere and that i have a clean intention. the purpose of my invitation is to introduce her to my parents.

the response given out by my mom was not really that decent. she said to me that she cannot accept this girl cause she doesn't like her. i asked her why. she said that i better find another who's physically more attractive than this girl that I've presented her.

i love this girl so much. i cannot just do that. so what I've done was to keep the secret all by myself.

you know what, every time i hang out with my friends and get late in going home, my mom always asks me if i was with this girl. i don't like much argument with her 'cause she's my mom. i just tell her that this girl was not present. but whenever my mom says anything negative about this girl, i would always protect her which makes me and my mom quarrel. if i can flee from arguing with my mom, I'll always do because i don't want to make this bigger and i don't like to come to the situation that this girl will be involved.

one time, we hanged out again. it was the death anniversary of the father of one of our friends. once again, i would be late in going home. my mother called me at my phone. i told her i was about to go home. once again, she called, this time in the resident telephone of our friend. she asked if I've already gone out. another question is that, if this girl (***) was in the party. i haven't told my friend about it. he just answered my mom honestly.

i hate my mom!

you know what she's done? she tried to call this girl in her phone. because no one was answering, my mom sent text messages to her. in that message were really excruciating words. i don't wanna discuss it. just imagine that this words were really awful.

i knew about what happened. this girl told me about it because she was confused. she didn't understand what my mom was telling her. i hate my mom about this. why did it have to reach to this?

yeah, i know. these are all my fault..

"to the girl i love, i am so sorry. i should have told you what were the reactions of my mom the time i brought you home. you know what, i just love you so much i don't want you to get hurt. but what I've done still hurt you. i just would like you to know that, whatever my mom told be about you, didn't change anything. nothing has changed. i still love you. i am so sorry."

you know what, it's so sad that i told her about my feelings for her because there was a problem. i was not able to tell her in a way that it would be romantic.

my mom and i often quarrel but, as time passes, we forget about it. this time, it's NOT the same. i think i reached my limitations. i cant just forget this. now, I'm moving to iloilo to my grandparents in my father's side. i guess I'll just leave for good.

to my mom, you know ma, i love you so much. but what you've done left me a big wound, a wound that i know will be healed by time and a life that is not having you by my side. bye ma, take care...

i cannot forget the words this girl has told me..

"kasi nga me (me = short for 'jaime', my real name), hindi nmn tau nasa soap opera, this is a real world, sitwasyon na hindi magkatugma. sorry, pasensya, ito ung totoo at ayoko gawing mas-complicated."

you know guys may ibig sabihin ang lahat ng ito. parang naiintindihan ko pero ayaw ko aminin sa sarili ko. ayaw ko na kc umasa.

haaaay.. I'll leave for good and seek for a new beginning. if there's someone or something who can stop me, it would be myself. but there's also another one. i wont say it, i just like it to happen.