i am so sorry.

haaaay... hirap ng kalagayan ko ngayon. alam nyo kc may tinago akong sikreto sa inyo. at hindi lang sa inyo kundi pati na rin sa kanya (you know..)

one time kasi, i invited her to our house. because i love her, i would like to show her that I'm sincere and that i have a clean intention. the purpose of my invitation is to introduce her to my parents.

the response given out by my mom was not really that decent. she said to me that she cannot accept this girl cause she doesn't like her. i asked her why. she said that i better find another who's physically more attractive than this girl that I've presented her.

i love this girl so much. i cannot just do that. so what I've done was to keep the secret all by myself.

you know what, every time i hang out with my friends and get late in going home, my mom always asks me if i was with this girl. i don't like much argument with her 'cause she's my mom. i just tell her that this girl was not present. but whenever my mom says anything negative about this girl, i would always protect her which makes me and my mom quarrel. if i can flee from arguing with my mom, I'll always do because i don't want to make this bigger and i don't like to come to the situation that this girl will be involved.

one time, we hanged out again. it was the death anniversary of the father of one of our friends. once again, i would be late in going home. my mother called me at my phone. i told her i was about to go home. once again, she called, this time in the resident telephone of our friend. she asked if I've already gone out. another question is that, if this girl (***) was in the party. i haven't told my friend about it. he just answered my mom honestly.

i hate my mom!

you know what she's done? she tried to call this girl in her phone. because no one was answering, my mom sent text messages to her. in that message were really excruciating words. i don't wanna discuss it. just imagine that this words were really awful.

i knew about what happened. this girl told me about it because she was confused. she didn't understand what my mom was telling her. i hate my mom about this. why did it have to reach to this?

yeah, i know. these are all my fault..

"to the girl i love, i am so sorry. i should have told you what were the reactions of my mom the time i brought you home. you know what, i just love you so much i don't want you to get hurt. but what I've done still hurt you. i just would like you to know that, whatever my mom told be about you, didn't change anything. nothing has changed. i still love you. i am so sorry."

you know what, it's so sad that i told her about my feelings for her because there was a problem. i was not able to tell her in a way that it would be romantic.

my mom and i often quarrel but, as time passes, we forget about it. this time, it's NOT the same. i think i reached my limitations. i cant just forget this. now, I'm moving to iloilo to my grandparents in my father's side. i guess I'll just leave for good.

to my mom, you know ma, i love you so much. but what you've done left me a big wound, a wound that i know will be healed by time and a life that is not having you by my side. bye ma, take care...

i cannot forget the words this girl has told me..

"kasi nga me (me = short for 'jaime', my real name), hindi nmn tau nasa soap opera, this is a real world, sitwasyon na hindi magkatugma. sorry, pasensya, ito ung totoo at ayoko gawing mas-complicated."

you know guys may ibig sabihin ang lahat ng ito. parang naiintindihan ko pero ayaw ko aminin sa sarili ko. ayaw ko na kc umasa.

haaaay.. I'll leave for good and seek for a new beginning. if there's someone or something who can stop me, it would be myself. but there's also another one. i wont say it, i just like it to happen.

I'm sorry for being selfish...

hi fellas.. you already know my situation or perhaps my story. now, I'm going to impart happenings that took place lately when we(my girl) were together.

last day (a Saturday), we conducted a community service. our service was cleaning a certain part of a municipality. i enjoyed doing this because I've had her company. the fatigue that I'm feeling is faded away by her radiant smiles each time i play jokes with her. and whenever she smiles, i simply look at her and smile too. and then, we continue cleaning.

usually after a major service such as this event, happens, there always comes a fellowship (you know.. let's drink to that! hehehe..). i and herself joined the school.

you know already that i really love this woman so much that she already feels me but, what I'm thinking that she's the only one who can sense this, is wide off the mark, because many folks also perceive of what my feelings for her were.

you know what, after a few drinks, the story shared by the group slowly changed until i became the subject (oh my gowd!). this time, they started interrogating me. they do not ask directly about her but their metaphor definitely portrays her.

at that time, i really am very anxious. i don't know what to say. my perspiration leaks like nozzle. but however i conceal my feelings there's always a saying that a fish is caught in the mouth. i don't know, especially that I'm kind of a drunk that time, i really don't know. words just come out thoroughly from my mouth. but i was still wide awake that time. i didn't tell anything directly. it brought questions into their minds especially the woman who was listening and was involved... the woman i love.

guys, i am very sorry for being selfish. i just think that it was not the right time and entirely not the right place. what would the woman say, that i just tell stories because I'm drunk. i don't want that to happen. don't worry guys, time will come that you will all know and the world will all know.

and to the woman that i love, i am very sorry too. i know you are aware of what my feelings for you are. you just would like to here it exactly from my mouth. you like to see my sincerity by hearing it personally from me. you know what, i love you so much. i just don't have enough confidence. i don't know how i will say it that it wouldn't sound awkward. i am sorry too for being sheepish. someday, ill find my courage. i just don't know where but i know i will...

Tank - My Personal Angel (Zhuan Shu Tian Shi) lyrics Translation

I will not blame you on your pretendence to me.
When an angel comes to the Earth, she should hide her wings.
People are stupid and abrupt, but you are delicate and angelical.
How can I let you be hurt because of me?

Your small hands give a thick warmth.
You can always calm down my uneasy night.
The dream that I dare not to dream, through your eyes,
I then see it is just in front of me.

No one can grab you away from my side.
You are my personal angel, only I can own you.
No one else can replace you in my heart.
I own a personal angel,
I wouldn't need any other wish.

Your small hands have a big power.
I too can definitely soar high like you.
The place you want to go is my direction.
You have my protection so you just focus on smiling brightly.

No one can grab you away from my side.
You are my personal angel, only I can own you.
No one else can replace you in my heart.
I own a personal angel,
I wouldn't need any other wish.

If it's not for you, I am still sleeping.
Despairingly thinking that there is only darkness in life.

No one can grab you away from my side.
You are my personal angel, only I can own you.
No one else can replace you in my heart.
I own a personal angel,
I wouldn't need any other wish...

source: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/t/tank/my_personal_angel_zhuan_shu_tian_shi.html



Tank - Zhuan Shu Tian Shi (Hana Kimi OST)

I really like this song, especially the lyrics 'cause this conveys the message my heart wants to say to the girl i really love. i would like her to know that she really is an angel to me, my personal angel. i hope one day I'll have enough courage to tell her this.

"I love you."

you can also listen to this music at http://www.freewebs.com/jaime0610/

that was a wrong move!

hi guys.. if you've only read what my first post was about then i guess you can catch up on me here on this next post that I'm to discuss.

guys, i think the reason why the girl i like does not treat me that warm anymore unlike before because i think she's hiding something. i don't want to sound fresh but i just wont say it directly. i think somehow, we're the same (you know..).

last night, we were on an overnight beach party. i swam without having any apparel. it is because i have no extra clothes. since it's night, nobody can see me or perhaps they'll see but very insufficient (hehehe).

what happened next?

she too, soaked into the water after me (but she didn't see anything, i believe). but the problem is that, she too has no extra clothes (oh man, what you gonna do?).

i played the guitar after i wear out my clothes. i sang songs of wooing. i played loudly to make sure she hears it.

you know what?

she moved towards me and took a pew beside me. that was a nice part and i loved it. but what happened was, before me, i was tackled by my anxiety. she was cold cause she has just finished bathing in the deep. i moved away from her cause i don't know what to do. each time i moved my body to avoid contact with her is the time she will come closer and lay her body on my shoulder.

i just made distance again and i said, "you are cold.. you are wet.."

i think, in her mind she was thinking that i was infuriated, so she just stood up silently and walked away from me (how sad.. ). arggh! that was a mistake! that was a wrong move!

oh.. if only i had known what's what, i should have done right. i just realized everything after she moved away. i hope there will still be a next time for me. huhuhu...

anong nangyayari? :(

whew! i don't know if it's right. i just know i didn't meant to do this or perhaps feel this.

this story is just an ordinary story of someone who fell in love of his friend only that, I'm content with our relationship. i don't like to come to the situation where we both will ruin our relationship. being friends, for me, is enough. i don't want to push through. with this, you can call me coward.

let's say that I'm the kind of person who will choose friendship rather that heart partnership..

i love that woman so much that i still can keep this secret by myself, without telling anyone (or perhaps i told someone who has no relation w/ the girl). this secret is the one which makes my breathing much heavier. every time i see her, i cant talk. i just don't know what to say. when she's not around, i keep on missing her but when she's there, i have nothing to do.

i don't want to hope. what i know is that, too much hoping means to much pain when time comes that i will know that what I'm hoping for, was just like hoping for none.

i am happy having her around..

i chose not to do anything. i don't want to mess up our friendship. as I've said, I'm already contented of having her around. now the problem is that this girl is not a stone. i know she can feel me. now our relation is not as warm as it was before. every time we meet, we just overlook each other.

you know what i feel?

"ang sakit sakit.."

wala na nga akong ginawa pero dun pa rin yung naging tuloy. yung masira lang ang friendship.

anong nangyari? :(